Iamhere - LOL! Yes, I have seen our similarities too, so yeah, it piqued my interest! I too, am a very visual person. I used to think I was great a book-learning (b/c I read A LOT), and myself in school was a little like Hermoine Granger (got a question? Look it up in a book!) But I have come to learn that I do best when I have written knowledge AND visual helpers. Now that I know Me a little better, it makes sense, since I also like to think of myself as an artist.

Rose - Thank you for your support! You know, I have come to accept that my Ex was never a bad person... just a broken one - that I did not have the skills or qualifications to fix!! It was never my job. Sometimes hard to accept with our social norms of married life.

I think the.metaphor of swimming is apt. Keep on swimming through it change the pace. These days when I get thrown off I can be triggered for a day or so. I look.at my relationship with the ex A S one 7 year trigger downhill all the way. Cumulative triggering to the point of no.retirn Detachment is a really huge skill. So is working out boundaries For those of us who grew up in dysfunctional families the boundary issue is bewildering What does friends mean? For me these days friendship us not about geing overimvolved The old me loved, overi involvement that was all I knew. I had no concept of a legitimate boundary One new light in my life is the ability to be compassionate and kind to ne that is #Me# rather than anyone else but me. And of course forgiveness. The big forgiveness is for #me# too Maresie

Yes, I agree, Maresie!

Many days I live by the wise words of Dory... "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, what do we do? We swim, swim swim!

Since I am a Pisces, it all fits for me! LOL!

I let my now former employer wreck my day a few weeks ago. That is why they are former. Making them a former employer is hard work because I have to go out and get something else Nevertheless I have to honor my triggers and boundaries. Not being paid is a big one I have been in the #people please# mode my whole life. When my supervisor a n.v d others gave me a hard time about making a fuss I felt it I think there is a difference between being cordial and being on good terms. My boundaries with alcoholics are very different now. It is not so much about not being friendly it is about being available Like my former employer, there are boundaries now. I am not getting sucked into their chaos. I have my own problems plenty of them. I am adamant these days about not adding to them It is a sure thing for ne when I meet someone when they are trying to make their problems mine Having firm boundaries is pretty lonely but I.am done on being exasperated These days when I encounter an alcoholic and I live and work around them. My family is full of them my guard is up. If I can do anything to avoid them I do. That means going out of my way to avoid them if I.can. if they are in the laundry room I.go out of my way to do laundry some other time. I work real real hard to be out of their way. I can understand you want to be cordial for your children. For me people pleasing was compulsive, when I feel myself triggered to be compelled to take care if others I pay attention a lot of attention. I revise my boundaries Being triggered is horrible but honoring my triggers is new for me I am not done with my employer yet (they still have not paid me) But this time they are not getting my serenity not this time not any more times. I am tired of giving it away so freely Maresie

Well, Maresie, I am sorry that you had to place that boundary, but it is very good that you are honoring it! I understand the compulsion of People Pleasing. Sometimes I think it is that way with me. At least I have to be very aware of it!!

When I worked for myself, I had a contract with a family-run company that I worked close to 16 yrs. When they encountered problems, their "way out" was to not pay me on time, or in the end, at all!! So unprofessional!! Yet, I still allowed it to happen b/c I let fear and my need to people please run my work life. I am actually happier now that I am not an independent contractor. Just simpler for me.

I hope that they pay you what you deserved, and thank you for sharing your thought process on this!!

I.am not.sorry about the boundary I.am.happy about it I.have to make changes anyway because of.major changes coming up. I.do not know what is wrong with this employer. I.am in a fortunate position I.do mot.havebyo deal.woth it My life is pulling me towards simpler. Keep it simple is a very good metaphor I.am swimming but today i.have allergies so.I.am working hard to take care of.myself Maresie