Welcome Rocky1962 to MIP, glad you found us and could share with us as well!
I too have my own life and rely very little on my AH. He is an active drinker at
the moment and like you I still love him. We pretty much live separate lives,
and like you, if I knew 20 years ago, what I know now, I probably would have
done things differently. Al-Anon has taught me that living life in the present,
one-day-at-a-time and having the courage to change me and no one else is
the key to peace and serenity.
Lyne said
Mar 21, 2021
For everyone writing on this thread, my understanding of my A is growing. Thank you to all. Prayers to all. One day at a time....
ToWivesIsGarbage said
Jun 6, 2022
Read To Wives only if you want to feel more hatred, angst, loneliness and rage. Chapter 8 of the Big Book is pure trauma bonding garbage.
It was written by Bill W. he refused to let his own wife write it so youre getting an alcoholic mans perspective, which is basically its all about mestill.
My husband and I started couples counseling after he got sober and still wasnt around, wasnt there for me or helping with our 2 young children. Our counselor suggested we read To Wives, so we did, and my reaction was a mixture of rage and disgust. Instead of bringing us closer or enlightening me on other wives perspectives, I felt even more alone. Everyone I talked to said, read it with an open mind. No matter how hard i tried, it was absolutely infuriating even more so knowing other women/spouses were being advised to read this trash at a time when they needed actual help.
Finally, after scouring the internet, because surely I could not be the only one who found the chapter UTTERLY INFURIATING, I found this critique:
Hoping your husband finds some balance with staying sober and being there for you and your children. Or better yet, that youve moved on and have a happy life either on your own or in a relationship where you are able to prioritize each others needs.
DM2021 said
Jun 8, 2022
Welcome to MIP {{ToWivesIsGarbage}}, glad you stopped by and expressed you circumstances.
Thank you for sharing the posted link to Chapter 8 critique. The great thing about Al-Anon
is we are encouraged to accept what we can and leave the rest. I personally have learned
that many of my frustrations are of a personal nature and knowing that helps me to put
my finger on what I needed to work on the most for my own serenity. What the alcoholic
does is a moot issue because we learn that we did not cause the issues, nor can we cure
or control them. Al-Anon is all about me and how I can see past the drinking and
difficulties to better able to have a more happy and productive life regardless of the
drinker in my life.
Do you belong to an Al-Anon group near you? https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/
Thanks for stopping by and please feel free to chat with us anytime.
You may want to start an new discussion, this one is pretty old.
I too have my own life and rely very little on my AH. He is an active drinker at
the moment and like you I still love him. We pretty much live separate lives,
and like you, if I knew 20 years ago, what I know now, I probably would have
done things differently. Al-Anon has taught me that living life in the present,
one-day-at-a-time and having the courage to change me and no one else is
the key to peace and serenity.
It was written by Bill W. he refused to let his own wife write it so youre getting an alcoholic mans perspective, which is basically its all about mestill.
My husband and I started couples counseling after he got sober and still wasnt around, wasnt there for me or helping with our 2 young children. Our counselor suggested we read To Wives, so we did, and my reaction was a mixture of rage and disgust. Instead of bringing us closer or enlightening me on other wives perspectives, I felt even more alone. Everyone I talked to said, read it with an open mind. No matter how hard i tried, it was absolutely infuriating even more so knowing other women/spouses were being advised to read this trash at a time when they needed actual help.
Finally, after scouring the internet, because surely I could not be the only one who found the chapter UTTERLY INFURIATING, I found this critique:
aaagnostica.org/2018/05/31/critique-of-chapter-8-to-wives/
Hoping your husband finds some balance with staying sober and being there for you and your children. Or better yet, that youve moved on and have a happy life either on your own or in a relationship where you are able to prioritize each others needs.
Welcome to MIP {{ToWivesIsGarbage}}, glad you stopped by and expressed you circumstances.
Thank you for sharing the posted link to Chapter 8 critique. The great thing about Al-Anon
is we are encouraged to accept what we can and leave the rest. I personally have learned
that many of my frustrations are of a personal nature and knowing that helps me to put
my finger on what I needed to work on the most for my own serenity. What the alcoholic
does is a moot issue because we learn that we did not cause the issues, nor can we cure
or control them. Al-Anon is all about me and how I can see past the drinking and
difficulties to better able to have a more happy and productive life regardless of the
drinker in my life.
Do you belong to an Al-Anon group near you? https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/
Thanks for stopping by and please feel free to chat with us anytime.
You may want to start an new discussion, this one is pretty old.