Sorry if this topic offends anyone. Just seeing a pattern here with the posts...
I've been doing so much reading through posts, new and old. What is correlation between our alcoholics and porn/self-satisfaction? I know in my case it's prevelent and quite obvious, but yet just as the alcohol use it's denied. What is the need to hide it? We obviously love and care about our A's and want to continue our intimate relationships with them; however, it seems that the A in the relationship pulls away from the intimacy and togetherness whether drunk or sober. Is "porn" another tool they use to cope with their addiction?
Hope I'm making sense with my question. Again, don't mean to offend anyone.
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
Porn, shopping, gambling, eating can all be used as distractions and can become addictive.
In my opinion the problem with addiction is that none of these actions fill the Giant Hole within. Alcohol and porn etc are all solitary activities and alcoholics thrive in that environment. We are again powerless over all of these behaviors.
Good News we are not powerless over our own responses and that is where alanon enters the picture
Focus on ourselves helps to rebuild our lives and keep our lives in a positive direction. Thank God for alanon
I am glad you raised this issue here where it is safe for you to ponder. I wish I had had a safe, healthy, confidential place to speak what was on my heart as I struggled with the same issues you are struggling with. My husband, who has been in recovery for about 3 years was addicted to pain meds, alcohol and less obvious, but more powerful, pornography/masturbation. He loaded himself with shame whenever he participated in any of these substances/practices. It was very tough for him to see/acknowledge the sexual addictions. For me, seeing how the sexual addiction affected me has been difficult and sobering; I accepted the blame for a very long time for him "having to" masturbate. A wonderful addiction counselor was so helpful for me...these issues are not easy to discuss in al anon meetings. I am still crawling out of the rabbit hole to regain the vibrancy that a healthy sexual relationship can offer. I honestly do not know, though, if I could be intimate with my hubbie if he was still using.
I hope this is helpful and feel free to message me if you would like to discuss this further...blessings
Aloha ELEKTRAWMN good to see your share again. I believe that even though alcoholism is a disease and not a moral issue there will always be that moral question regarding the behaviors...the questions and judgements on good and bad. Porn is more closely associated with the moral issues and also looked upon as "sick" behavior. For me the behavior like drunkedness or alcohol abuse or addiction is seen as bad and unacceptable; a very poor deprived choice. What I've learned is that there is an element of "self" satisfaction in both and even all other addictions. I use to call the behaviors "nerve ending" behaviors because certain "nerves" were stimulated and excited. It was for me the excitement that kept me attached to the behavior. I'm not into porn and never really have been. I don't know, nor care to explore the reason why however I did drink and am recovering and that was a nerve ending deally whopper for me. Lots of the time there is a question about mutual satisfaction and self satisfaction only the might be looked at. I'm gonna haunt this post for further growth. ((((hugs))))
My exAH was way into porn and early on he visited strip joints and even visited prostitutes a few times, he always admitted it, but it effected me, our relationship and yes our sex life. I am still unsure why he preferred objectifying woman over having a real live one that loved him at home, but even after he stopped the strip clubs and other stuff the porn never ended and was always easier for him to do than come to me, alas he is sick sick sick! Sending you love and support!
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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
My guess is like pinkchip's, that most men look at porn. However, my ex would do anything rather than deal with a real three-dimensional woman. If porn is an add-on, I don't see that it needs to be damaging (I know others may disagree strongly). But I think we could all agree that when porn takes the place of real interactions with partner, that's got to damage the relationship. My ex would brag and swagger about how macho he was and how a waitress had flirted with him and how he could walk into a bar and any woman's head would turn, etc. But when it came to actually getting close to a woman, he was actually a bowl of jelly. I can't count the number of times we'd spend a nice evening out at a restaurant and it would be time to go home, and we'd be feeling all warm and close, and he'd suddenly say, "Hey! I feel like a drink! What about stopping off at a bar!"
I think the inability to cope with human interaction comfortably often goes hand-in-hand with alcoholism, whether it's a trigger or a result or both.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Simply going to say, it's just another way of getting high debilyn